Splendid isolation
January 27th, 2008 Posted in Pets Guide Tony Davis finds Brunei is full of eccentricities, chief
among them the palatial Empire complex.
It was first light. I was walking past the large, man-made
lagoon and could hear bird noises. I continued my stroll but
something was awry. They weren’t quite bird noises. They had a more
conspiratorial “hey, you, come here” sort of tone.
I turned back and saw half a dozen small lumps in the water. The
tails of diving birds? The heads of monitor lizards … otters?
They looked tiny but humanoid. Elves, perhaps? As I approached,
the creatures ducked under the water or sped away, speedboat like,
with their heads still turned towards me, chatting all the time.
And then there were none.
“What are the creatures in the lagoon?” I asked an immaculately
dressed member of the vast staff of this most unusual hotel.
“There are none,” he said, looking evasive, “other than the
carp.”
I sat waiting and hoping something would reappear. But it was
not to be. Was I going mad? Was it the malaria tablets I was taking
for my walk through the Sarawak rainforest? The small amount of
privately imported alcohol I had drunk the night before in this
famously dry country?
It was just another mystery in the mix of folly and magnificence
that is Brunei’s Empire Hotel %26amp; Country Club and it would be
many hours before I learned the truth.
“If you are going to Brunei,” a friend had advised, “you must
spend at least one night at the Empire. You’ll never see anything
quite like it.”
From the moment I arrived in the foyer I knew he was right. The
atrium near the check-in desks is 53 metres tall - the height of a
12-storey building - and appears to be modelled on a
marble-and-gold tent. Precious stones by the hundred are inlaid
into hectares of marble and 21-carat gold plating.
I’d booked the most basic room. The list price was $B565 a night
(about $440). A quick phone chat and they were down to a “special
rate” of $B249. If I was from a corporation - and, golly gee, my
business card had a company name on it - I could pay even less.
And I did, moving my bags into one of the plushest hotel rooms
that it had ever been my pleasure to stay in. Not just that, the
attached country club gave me access to an astonishing array of
watercraft, a tenpin bowling alley, a dive centre, a floodlit, Jack
Nicklaus-designed golf course, lap pools, gyms, spas, squash
courts, pool tables, tennis courts and more.
The Empire complex is on the edge of the South China Sea but
there’s one thing you can’t get when you sit next to the
10-million-litre main pool: a drink. If you want alcohol in this
oil-rich Islamic sultanate you must bring it with you from another
country (strict limits apply). There are only certain places you
can consume it. In most restaurants you need to alert them in
advance; out the back they will decant your fine wine into a teapot
to keep it a secret.
The reason your voice echoes at the Empire is the occupancy rate
is rumoured to be as low as 5 per cent. It opened in 2000, the
billion-dollar brainchild of Prince Jefri, the Sultan’s younger and
not terribly prudent brother. During his reign as finance minister,
“the Playboy Prince” bought a 50-metre motor launch that he named
Tits, hundreds of luxury cars, a bespoke Swiss watch with a
mechanical couple that copulated on the hour and a string of
ridiculously extravagant properties.
Prince Jefri even built a no-expenses-spared copy of Disneyland.
He has been exiled but the Empire remains, its 800 staff
outnumbering guests by an embarrassing margin.
Definitely empty the night I stayed was the Emperor Suite, a
666-square-metre pad with a dozen or so rooms. It costs $B26,000 a
night (yes, you read that right, a bit more than $20,000).
I talked them into giving me a look. The architecture is a mix
of gilt-edged Asian glitz and Louis XIV splendour. There’s a
private lift, a grand piano, a 10-person sauna, even a large indoor
pool and a movie screen that lowers from the roof so you can watch
movies while swimming. The walk-in wardrobe is the size of many
Australian motel rooms.
Suddenly my Lagoon Suite, with its electric curtains, slabs of
marble, gold plating, elaborate cabinetry and impossibly expensive
fabrics, seemed downmarket.
My guide said “the Emperor” was voted the world’s best
presidential suite in 2002, 2003 and 2005 and Bill Clinton has
stayed there twice.
There are stories of a secret nightclub underneath the Empire,
even a fully wired, ready-to-go trading floor. Jefri’s ambitions -
or delusions - knew no limits.
On the walk back to my room a small monkey swung across my path.
Perhaps he and his friends took an early morning swim? I rang my
guide.
“They are Malayan weasels in the lagoon,” he said, as if
confiding a great secret. “They like carp for breakfast.”
I wasn’t going mad after all.
All peculiarities aside, I really enjoyed the Empire. I ate
wonderful food, slept in sumptuous surroundings, availed myself of
amazing facilities - and enjoyed solitude. It’s not often you get
all that in one package.
FAST FACTS
Getting there
Malaysia Airlines has regular flights to Brunei for $824 return
via Kuala Lumpur from Melbourne and Sydney, or you can fly with
Singapore Airlines via Singapore for $869. Royal Brunei flies three
times a week nonstop from Sydney for $978. Melbourne passengers
have to book a separate flight to and from Sydney.
A visa is required for Australian passport holders. It can be
obtained from the High Commission in Canberra (6285 4500) or upon
arrival, with proof of sufficient funds.
Staying there
The Empire Hotel %26amp; Country Club is less than half an hour by
road from the airport. It offers specials with rates for basic
rooms (that are still large and luxurious) as low as $160. See www.theempirehotel.com.
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Tags: amp, array, ash, birds, creatures, hotel room, lear, lizard
